I couldn't help but post this.
Apr. 12th, 2005 12:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hdsqrlI've lj-cut this post only due to the subject matter...that being, of farts.
This goes under the topic of WAY too much information, but it entertained me and made for a funny story in my head, and there's at least one person I know who will find this amusing as well.
So...okay, did you ever eat something that made you fart, and the smell of the fart was altered by what you ate? Like, you could almost smell the food in the fart? *laughs* I think it's funny that I'm posting this...but ANYway...
Well, the other day I was in the car, and I think I had eaten at Chili's that day and had one of their guiltless meals that includes beans and broccoli, or maybe it was the day before that...doesn't matter, as sometimes farts wait a day or so to come out... And around that same time frame I'd stopped at QT on the way to work and gotten a Chai Latte, and I work right near a Starbucks and sometimes I get something from there...so there were all sorts of things inside me that could have brought this line of thinking on. Just keep that in mind.
So I'm in the car on my way home, and I had to fart. And with the windows rolled up, of course I knew the smell would be coming. (Don't pretend that you don't do the same thing from time to time...at least I'm honest about it.) So, there I sat in traffic, wondering if I should roll the window down or if it would be one of those farts without much of a smell that would dissipate after a minute or so, when all of a sudden, I smelled something like coffee. WTF? Coffee? I quickly ran through the different things I'd ingested lately, and wondered if it was really possible to make your farts smell like coffee on a regular basis. So then I started thinking about how great that would be at the office, especially on those chili cook-off days, when you could just walk around and fart all day and people would just think someone had gone by with a fresh cup of joe. And only you would know the truth, and how funny that would be. I really thought I might be on to something and I got to thinking that I would have to conduct kind of a little experiment of sorts to see if that would really work. And how maybe then I could start including onions in the diet again, as those seem to be the worst sorts of offenders, but if they popped out smelling like coffee, it wouldn't be so bad. And then I thought about Beano, and wondered if maybe the key to Beano's secret was in the little coffee bean. Hmm.
And then I drove on for another half a block or so, and realized that I was right next to the Folgers plant.
Dammit.
This goes under the topic of WAY too much information, but it entertained me and made for a funny story in my head, and there's at least one person I know who will find this amusing as well.
So...okay, did you ever eat something that made you fart, and the smell of the fart was altered by what you ate? Like, you could almost smell the food in the fart? *laughs* I think it's funny that I'm posting this...but ANYway...
Well, the other day I was in the car, and I think I had eaten at Chili's that day and had one of their guiltless meals that includes beans and broccoli, or maybe it was the day before that...doesn't matter, as sometimes farts wait a day or so to come out... And around that same time frame I'd stopped at QT on the way to work and gotten a Chai Latte, and I work right near a Starbucks and sometimes I get something from there...so there were all sorts of things inside me that could have brought this line of thinking on. Just keep that in mind.
So I'm in the car on my way home, and I had to fart. And with the windows rolled up, of course I knew the smell would be coming. (Don't pretend that you don't do the same thing from time to time...at least I'm honest about it.) So, there I sat in traffic, wondering if I should roll the window down or if it would be one of those farts without much of a smell that would dissipate after a minute or so, when all of a sudden, I smelled something like coffee. WTF? Coffee? I quickly ran through the different things I'd ingested lately, and wondered if it was really possible to make your farts smell like coffee on a regular basis. So then I started thinking about how great that would be at the office, especially on those chili cook-off days, when you could just walk around and fart all day and people would just think someone had gone by with a fresh cup of joe. And only you would know the truth, and how funny that would be. I really thought I might be on to something and I got to thinking that I would have to conduct kind of a little experiment of sorts to see if that would really work. And how maybe then I could start including onions in the diet again, as those seem to be the worst sorts of offenders, but if they popped out smelling like coffee, it wouldn't be so bad. And then I thought about Beano, and wondered if maybe the key to Beano's secret was in the little coffee bean. Hmm.
And then I drove on for another half a block or so, and realized that I was right next to the Folgers plant.
Dammit.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-12 08:02 pm (UTC)I had a friend I knew from when I was in the army that was a stand-up comedian for a while after he got out. He had a bit in his act where he talked about this very thing. About how cool it would be if there was a pill or something that you could take that would add scent to your farts. I don't remember what else he named off in his act, but I remember 'fresh-baked bread' was one of them.
I miss him. His name was Ken Walker. He was my best friend while I was stationed in Berlin. He used to call me "R.. D......, Professional Nice Guy.
He's been dead for quite a while now, going on 15 years or more. He was quite a guy. Smart, funny, great singing voice. No concept of personal finances though. Blew most of his money on hookers and cocaine. But he was also active with Amnesty International. I never did find out exactly how he died except that it out of the country, someplace in central or south america and that he was murdered. I don't know if it was drug related, because of Amnesty International or some random act of violence.
Sorry to be a downer on your post, but the fart story reminded me of him...
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-12 09:07 pm (UTC)"Mmm...I smell fresh baked bread! I wonder where that's coming from..."
"Oh, you like it? Well, let me let another one loose!"
LOLLERS!
Bring on the onion rings!!!